Monday, July 9, 2012

How to quit smoking when I love Hollywood so much?!

Don't worry, it's not for health reasons that I am trying to quit smoking; It's a damn expensive habit. Even though it makes me feel cool, I'd rather spend my money on clothes and make-up. You know, like a real woman. It's a girl thing.

But this interest of mine really doesn't help. I'm sitting here with my morning cup of coffee, trying to distract myself from the nicotine cravings that makes my whole body itch... by looking through a map of celebrity photos. Not wise at all:

 Basil Rathbone does it.

 Betty Compson does it.

 Brooke Shields does it.

 Buster Keaton does it.

Audrey Hepburn does it while having her hair fixed.

 Audrey Hepburn does it again, accompanied by Dean Martin. And it makes her feel carefree and happy.

Maggie Gyllenhaal does it before she even puts on any clothes.

Drew Barrymore does it before she even gets out of bed.

Fritz Lang does it with a monocle.

Gösta Ekman does it before snorting cocaine.

Hasse Ekman does it on Kungsgatan, before stealing a bicycle.

Isabella Rossellini does after slaying some zebras.

Mae West does before and after an enema.

Sigourney Weaver does it before slaying aliens.

It's perfectly clear. All cool people smoke at all times. They can't imagine a time when it's not cool to inhale the poisonous fumes of a Camel, Marlboro or a Lucky Strike. And I shouldn't have a cigarette to my morning coffee?! Even the dog in my previous post has a puff on the cancer stick! Strength, give me strength...

I have no strength.

This is my struggle, two hours into a day without a pack of cigarettes.


Matthew Coniam said...

The answer is right there at the top of your post, and you didn't even see it.
Basil is showing you the way!

Got it yet?
Yes! Smoke a pipe, girl!

A tin of tobacco lasts ages and works out way cheaper than cigs, and as everybody in the know knows, pipe smoking gives you the coolest look possible. It also smells like heaven.
And when a woman does it, it's just too too devastating for words.

Join the revolution!

Johanna Skogh said...

I almost wished I wasn't allergic when I read this.
I could be worth it though, just a little bit?
Or I need to find something else than tobacco to smoke *hmmmm*

Lolita of the Classics said...

Oh, Matthew... That is SO passé for me.

Johanna, darling! Smoke the hookah, like a real Marxist!

Matthew Coniam said...


That's all I have to say at the moment.

Neve Rendell said...

I share your pain totally - beginning to think we must be sisters separated at birth ;-)

David C. said...

Please note you have no pictures of older women who look glamorous after several decades of smoking. Not to mention the lowering of their voices by an octave or so. Think Lucille Ball in old age.

Lolita of the Classics said...

David C:
Hmm. Bette Davies. Tallulah Bankhead. Coco Chanel. Lauren Bacall. And that whiskey- and cigarette voice is AWESOME!
Please note the "sarcastic bitch blogging" warning at the top right corner of this page. Don't take what I write too seriously, lest you'll get an upset stomach.

David C. said...

Lo, of course I appreciate your sarcasm. I would expect no less from a fellow Marx Brothers fan. I'm just saying as a doctor and and ex-smoker you'd be doing yourself a favor to give up the cigs. Then you could look like me in a few decades.

Lolita of the Classics said...

Oooh, you with whipped cream and a cherry on top ;)
I'm getting there, I only smoked three cigarettes yesterday. That's totally acceptable! At least if one ignores all "Swedish Snus" that I use, making me look like a middle aged truck driver.

randy cox said...

Well, it is not at all wrong to imitate Hollywood stars. But keep in mind tobacco smoking has proved it is harmful to health. So switch to healthier option of smoiking. i.e Electronic Cigarette